Various Artists – Guinness & Trees
John Shop Records

John Shop Records is bum-rushing the Dancehall industry on multiple fronts: They’re dropping concert DVD’s (See Review, July Magazine (Buy Now!)) and rhythm albums. Rumour has it that they’ve even locked Reggae empress Dawn Penn into a recording contract. Big tings a gwaan fi dem.

Unfortunately for the hard-charging John Shop crew, their latest release, Guinness & Trees, isn’t going to make anybody forget VP, Greensleeves or JetStar.

Guinness & Trees is a rhythm album. Since you’re going to be hearing the same beat for over a half-hour, rule #1 of any rhythm album is that the rhythm actually be worth listening to. Guinness & Trees fails that test.

There’s nothing particularly wrong with the “Guinness & Trees” rhythm. It’s just that producer Teethimus has crafted a plodding, unremarkable, and quickly forgettable midtempo beat. It has a murky, mid-90s feel to it. Everything sounds dated and vaguely familiar. The head-nodding, foot-tapping and waist-gyrating values are all pretty low.

Rule #2 on a rhythm album is to compile a roster of quality, unique artists to voice on the beat. After all, if the beat is the same throughout, it’s only the artist’s individual charisma that’s going to keep all the songs from running together in a forgettable blur. G&T gets a passing grade on this front, but just barely. You get solid tunes from Cobra, Bounty, Anthony B and Tanto Metro & Devonte. Unfortunately, you also get has-beens like Roundhead, Mega Banton and Future Troubles. And who the hell are Hawk, Event, Greego and Lizer?!? A couple upcoming artists are OK, but five, six unknowns is a bad idea (Future reference: Event and Lizer should never be allowed anywhere near a microphone again).

However, while nothing on G&T is going to set the Dancehall world on fire, there are a few tracks here worth checking. Bounty Killer rips off a memorable sex verse on “Bad Man No Explore,” where the Killa has an affair with a woman whose man “lick her fi century” and Bounty’s length “bun her like Easter.” Anthony B also shows some veteran class, dropping knowledge and burning a fire on “Mr. Law.” Newcomer Rally Bop is building a nice career for himself in New York, and his anti-chi-chi man tune “No Lean No Bend” should get him some forwards.

THE VERDICT: Guinness & Trees is based on a weak rhythm and an iffy stable of artists. You know what that adds up to.